Behold! A battle report! My regular nemesis Clint and the
local shop owner Matt went on a hunting trip for wolves and while they were
unable to blast one of those magnificent bastards, they did come up with an
interesting fluff-tastic 2k list. It is essentially a marine battle company, shit tons of
power armor marines with little else. Judging by the pics and my memory from the game (and Clint can
correct me where I’m wrong), his list is:
Captain, artificer armor, relic blade, storm shield
Command squad, various diverse weapons
6 full tactical squads, various weapons
2 full assault squads, one in a pod and the other with jump
packs
2 full devastator squads, heavy bolters and missiles
They may look a lot like Dark Angels, but really they are
Imperial Fists (today, anyways). I was skeptical of this list and aimed to sort
it out the next time we fought. My usual list is Demon with several MC, but it
seemed a bit unfair since it would be very rock to his paper so I opted to use
a goofy Iron Hands/Eldar list I had been tinkering with. Essentially it is a
bunch of bikes with heavy support and two cruise missiles disguised as
characters on bikes, a Chapter master and Harlequin Autarch. Add in a
Terminator Inquisitor for prescience and servo skull shenanigans and my list
looked like this:
Chapter master, bike, power fist, Pimp Cape Eternal (because
honestly, a power fist and a storm shield on a bike would look stupid as hell)
5 bikes, double melta x2
Rifledread x2
Thunderfire cannon x2
Storm Talon, skyhammer missile x2
5 Tactical marines, melta gun, HB razor
5 Devastators, lascannons
Autarch, lance, bike, mantle
3 jetbikes x2
5 warp spiders
Inquisitor Terminator, 3x skulls, prescience
Skyshield landing pad
Mission: 12 inch deploy, Fast Attack scores. Clint wins the
roll off and chooses to set up first. Objectives are liberally sprinkled over
the board. In hindsight, I should have placed all of mine as far back as
possible. Durr.
He deploys his Heavy Bolter Devs on a huge hill overlooking
everything and the missile Devs in the middle forest. He spreads the rest of
his squads out, many of them combat squadding.
Slow Ass Foot Slogging Bolterama Army (SAFSBA), turn 1.
His turn is spent mostly moving his bolter guys forward and
the drop pod deposits the Assault squad into the ruins in the center right. Shooting
is uneventful with the exception of a missile launcher from a tactical squad
one shotting a dread and a lascannon from another one shotting the other. Oh
lordy. Force field malfunction on the landing pad apparently. Oh and the heavy
bolter devs knock a hull point off the Razorback, thus completing the ‘fail all
4+ saves on vehicles’ trifecta. Typical, lol.
Janky Ass Marine Eldar Army (JAMEA), turn 1.
Chapter Master Pimp Cape eyes the HB devs on the hill as an
absurdly juicy target for his orbital bombardment (really it was redonk, all
the heavy bolters and a couple bolter guys to boot) and asks the Inquisitor for
some prescience love. Naturally despite the twin linking, it flies off course
and kills two bolter devs. The missile devs in the trees fair considerably
worse as both Thunderfire cannons hit dead on and massacre them almost to a man
(hooray barrage!). The Autarch launches himself into one of the assault marine
combat squads and murderizes all five of them. This is rather unfortunate, I
would have preferred to H&R out and get into his backfield, but instead he
consolidates back. Lascannon devs, finding no proper targets opt to fire at the
heavy bolter devs across the way and kill a couple bolter guys. They pass their
leadership.
SAFSBA, turn 2.
Power armored guys trundle forward some more, finding no one
obligingly deployed forward for them to bolter drill at. Strange, lol. His
leaping assault marines jump as close as they can to the Razorback and the Captain
with his command squad heads towards the Autarch. His shooting manages to kill
off the Razorback with a long ranged plasma gun shot (fortified cover my ass, I
also lose a bolter marine in the explosion) and the storm bolter on the kills a
lascannon dev on the platform. The rest of his army unloads on Chapter Master
Pimp Cape and manages to put a single wound on him. The leaping assault marines
find themselves needing a 12 on 3 dice/2 lowest to charge the unpinned tac
squad in the trees cunningly hiding at the ass end of the vehicle crater, so
they opt out of giving me some free overwatch shots and stand around in the
open holding their Charles Dickenses. El Capitan charges the Autarch who
challenges. They both whiff their attacks and the Harlequin gaily bounds past
several power armored lads into the marines’ backfield.
JAMEA, turn 2.
I get one Stormtalon and one bike squad from the marine
reserves and the Autarch uses his fancy powers to keep the jetbikes off. The
Warp Spiders drop into the open on my right, the bikes drive on in front of the
bouncy ass marines, and the Talon in front of the heavy bolter devs on the
hill. The inquisitor attempts to prescience a Thunderfire cannon and rolls an
11 (which, in hindsight makes sense as he didn’t technically have LOS to it.
Oops). Ole Pimp Cape heads towards El Capitan in an attempt to slay the warlord
and Harlie vrooms over to the shell shocked remnants of the missile devs. The
Talon shreds and pins a tactical squad in the open while the lascannon devs
continue to overcompensate against the heavy bolter devs. My bikes do no wounds
to the ass marines right in front of them, but it doesn’t matter as the thunder
cannons unleash hell on power armored guys and wreck a bunch of them. Spiders
spin some tac marines into soup and leap back behind the wall on the right.
Close combat sees the warlord fight draw with no wounds done while the Autarch
kills another marine sergeant. Pimp Cape regenerates a wound, much to Clint’s
chagrin.
SAFSBA, turn 3.
Third verse, same as the first! Power armored guys move
forward, consolidating on objectives and loosing random bolter rounds along the
way. The assault marines on the left decide to walk and use their jump packs to
get a hammer o’ wrath attack against the bikes while the assault marines on the
other side slog through the ruins towards the Spiders. The storm bolter from
the drop pod continues its reign of terror and kills the sergeant and another
lascannon from the dev squad while the inquisitor catches a krak missile with
his face, promptly rolling a one on his armor save. Splat. A rather disgraceful
debut for him, lol. The devs do decide to stick round and pass their morale
check, so that’s somethin’. Everything on his left side shoots at the puny tac
squad in the crater who promptly go to ground (can’t be too proud) and save
everything. The assault phase sees El Capitan putting a wound on Pimp Cape only
to succumb to a power fist slap in the mouth. The command squad escapes and
Pimp Cape consolidates into the open while the Autarch ignominiously takes 2
wounds and fails to hit and run out of combat. The terrain on my left flank is
apparently made of molasses as the jumping ass marines fail to make a 5 inch
charge despite having the jump pack re roll (snake eyes followed by a 4) and,
to add insult to injury, also lose a guy to overwatch. Success!
JAMEA, turn 3.
I get no reserves this turn. With a mighty snigger, I move
my bikes forward to sort out those upstart assault marines and Pimp Cape
sallies forth looking for a combat squad to punish. The Talon moves forward and
plinks off a couple tac marines sitting on an objective in the ruins. Both
Thunderfire cannons deviate with varying degrees of awfulness, one missing
fairly spectacularly while the other has one of those happy accidents that
drops onto another full tac marine squad after missing the command squad and
does a ton of wounds. The remaining lascannons finally win the dev battle and
force the last HB to flee but not quite off the board. Spiders walk into range
of the assault marines and liquefy a couple of them, running back into position
afterwards (they’re hanging out here waiting for an endgame jump on the
objective in the far right corner). The Autarch shivs a couple more marines but
has an utterly embarrassing hit and run that fails to take him anywhere safe so
I assume he will get thumped next turn. Pimp Cape whups a couple more marines
leaving a trail of bodies on his way to the marine backfield. My bikes charge
the assault marines and do no wounds and lose a bike in return. They promptly
fail their leadership, escape and run off the board. OH THE HUMANITY! I hang my
head in shame at the incompetence of my minions.
SAFSBA, turn 4.
As advertised, backfield tactical marines head towards the
Autarch to finish him off before he can crush one more squad under his
stilettoed heel. The command squad heads towards the Techmarines to silence
their murderous guns and the assault marines leap over the trees to assault my
gone to ground tac squad in the crater. The walking assault marines decide that
discretion is the better part of valor and head towards an objective instead of
trying to tangle with Warp Spiders that they will never in a million years
catch. The command squad’s grav gun crushes one of the Thunderfire cannons
leaving its Techmarine standing around looking like a lost puppy. Marines
charge the Autarch and kill him off but my tac marines appear to be very
motivated to retain control of their crater and manage to fight their way to a
draw.
JAMEA, turn 4.
My last Talon, marine bikes and both jetbike squads arrive
from reserve. At this point barring some crazy chain of events I feel pretty
good about winning this game. The jetbikes hide behind some LOS blocks and the
bikes plug the hole under the landing pad. The second Talon follows the same
flight path as the first. Spiders chase after the foot slogging ass marines,
the enraged Techmarine heads towards the command squad for some plasma/flamer
vengeance and Pimp Cape continues his bloody rampage. The Thunderfire cannon
kills the entire command squad save the grav gun, so the bikes decide to turbo
boost towards the center. The talons rake various marine squads with heavy anti
infantry fire. The cripple fight over the crater continues unabated with no end
in sight.
SAFSBA, turn 5.
Two shattered remnants of tactical combat squads saunter
over to cover the 4 VP objective in the center. The plasma cannon from the
squad in the trees on my left and the grav gunner from the command squad manage
to kill a couple of my marine bikes but they pass their morale. The multi melta
from a combat squad falls to the Chapter Master while my tac marines manage to
kill an assault marine in the epic battle for the crater but they hold.
JAMEA, turn 5.
At this point, of the objectives on the table, Clint
controls a 4 pointer (with two separate squads), both 3 pointers (with one
squad each with a devastator backing up one), and both 2 pointers (one with a
single marine, one with a combat squad) while I contest the 1 pointer in the
failopalooza crater assault. We both have linebreaker and wash on slay
warlord/first blood. Time to get to work. I send the Warp Spiders on a mission to iron
out first the rest of the assault marines (since they’re worth a point) and the
second Talon to try and wipe out the the combat squad on the 2 pointer in the
upper right. One jetbike squad heads into the ruins to claim the other 2 held
by the singleton marine and the other moves forward to shoot at the marines in
the open on the 4 and hopefully jump over to contest the 3 pointer behind the
wall. The Caped Crusader drives into the trees to contest the 3 pointer. The
first Talon decides to hover to shoot at the lone ranger marine while staying
out of LOS of the remaining lascannon. The lascannon devs try to shoot at,
well, anybody but since they are deployed so far back they can’t see over the
walls of the furled landing pad. Groan. Considering a) they can’t see anyone,
b) it doesn’t matter in the slightest if they die and c) my guys don’t make
landing pad force field saves anyways, the last two guys unfurl the pad. I
commence shooting and just about everything that can go the way I planned it
does. The last Thunderfire cannon decides to take a blind shot at the tac
marines behind the wall on the 3 pointer. Naturally he scores a direct hit and
wrecks several of them, lol. The other Techmarine punks the grav gun guy from
the command squad. The jetbikes and
marine bikes clear off the 4 pointer but the jetbike jump doesn’t take them
quite far enough to contest the 3 pointer. The zooming Talon kills enough
marines off the 2 pointer in the back to chase them off the board and the
hovering Talon turns the last man standing into the last puddle of gore
pooling. The Spiders finish off the walking assault marines and jump towards
the objective. The second jetbike squad zips over to claim the 2 pointer
previously occupied by the puddle of gore. The scrum in the corner continues
with no winner. If the game were to end now, I would control the 4, both 2s and
contest one of the 3s and the 1 while Clint would control a 3. We roll and the
game….continues.
Turn 6, all inclusive. Nothing much happens of note other
than some random shooting and close combat that changes nothing. The game ends,
I win 12 (8 from objectives, 2 from killing fast attacks, linebreaker and slay
the warlord) to 5 (3 from objectives, linebreaker and first blood). Acceptable.
Post game thoughts:
Things I think I think about Clint's army:
-Bolters just aren't that great of a gun, even when taken in droves and rerolling 1's.
-Hordes of power armor on foot are just too slow and get in each other's way while trying to get anywhere to claim/contest objectives.
-ATSKNF is such an amazing rule, it means that you have to wipe marine squads out entirely to keep them from being an objective claiming threat, so the battle company has that going for it.
-It looks pretty impressive when deployed on the table, so it checks that 'fluffy army' box.
-I submit that this list has some potential as long as you are willing to jettison a bit of fluff to get some transports/support units.
Things I think I think about my army:
-I like both the cruise missile characters a lot, but the Autarch is a lot trickier to use than I had initially anticipated.
-It would probably be better to use White Scar tactics than Iron Hands, but it is just absurdly satisfying to make a 6+ FNP save every now and again.
-Warp Spiders continue to be the single most fun unit for me to use, they are just wicked fast, can dole out heaps and heaps of wounds and can waggle their private parts at the enemy and jump back out of sight with no retribution. I don't even hate the ancient models.
-I'm pretty sure I will never, ever take a Skyshield Landing Pad ever again. WORST 75 POINTS SPENT EVAR.
Next up we will probably be doing some Kill Team games using the free rules found here: http://heralds-of-ruin.blogspot.com/p/kill-team-rules.html , so stay tuned for more moments of me fucking up :p
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